My parents let me move back into my cabin. I cleaned up the mess left in the room after the tirade. I had thrown the torn photos away, but then pulled the pieces out of the trash and taped them back together. It is hard for me to stare at those fist-sized holes in my wall and door and then look Gino in the face with the same loving eyes. I don’t know what will repair that damage.
For better or worse, I found out that we are leaving the ship after this trip; two months early. I’m told the cruise line is replacing the three of us with a single magician to save money. I wonder if that’s the truth or if my parents asked to be let out of our contract so they could separate me from Gino. Or, maybe the cruise line didn’t want to put up with any more trouble from the two of us. In any case, it is over, and I’m packing to go home.
Gino apologized, yet again, this time for the scene in my cabin. He gave me a really beautiful Italian gold chain that he always wears. He wants me to run away with him to his home in Canada and get married, and then come back when I’m 18 so he could work in the States. He is convinced my parents are responsible for me having to leave the ship, and insists that we only have each other to count on. I don’t see it that way, but it isn’t worth arguing the point with him. I frankly don’t think my parents have done anything unreasonable given the circumstances. They are just looking out for me, and don’t want me to get hurt. I’ve taken a few hits from swords in the magic act, but I’ve yet to be really hurt by anything in life.
It’s not like I want to be seen as perfect, but I just don’t want to hurt them, or have to see that disappointed look in their eyes again. Especially my father. My mom does whatever she can to keep him from getting upset about anything. She’s really easy, but the cardinal rule in my life is basically, “don’t piss off Daddy.” Up until now, I’ve done quite a good job at that, too. I probably held the record for worst attendance when I was in school; I stayed home as often as possible with the slightest of excuses, and my mom and I played cards and board games and hung out all day. In the half hour or so before she had to drive our lone family car across the bridge to the plant to pick him up from work, we both ran around the house to tidy up, get rid of any evidence that I had been home all day, and make their bed. Always, the bed had to be made. My mother has no interest in being a good homemaker, which is why she loves being out on the ships, even though she gets sea sick. My dad is tolerant about the messy house and the ever-growing piles of dirty dishes and laundry, but he has always insisted that their bed be made so that when he came home from work he could comfortably lie down and take a nap. He retired “early” after working 35 years as a toolmaker at General Electric. As soon as he retired, we started going out for months at a time on the ships with the magic. He’s doing the best he can to give us a good life and lots of travel and fun with virtually no money.
I really don’t think either one of them would have voluntarily gotten off this ship early. I can’t do anything to hurt them. I can’t believe Gino doesn’t understand that, and that he feels betrayed by me, and gets in my face singing the line from Santana’s Black Magic Woman, “Don’t turn your back on me baby…” like I’m being cold because I won’t defy them.
Click to Play Black Magic Woman – by Santana [audiotube id=”10gH-bC3iXo”]