I am really sunburned, literally from head to toe. Last weekend, I had been sick and stayed home, but Lou still took the bus to the beach on his own. When he got back home, he told me he noticed that lots of people kept walking down the shore to the right and out of sight. He decided to go for a stroll and check it out himself and found a nude beach. So, this weekend, we went on that walk together. I didn’t know he wanted to actually sunbathe there, but we did. I was nervous and kept putting my bathing suit back on every time the police came through. But I finally figured out that they didn’t care. Apparently, nudity is legal on the Fire Island National Park end of the beach. Anyway, I am scorched, especially on the parts where the sun don’t usually shine.

This is the second time I’ve been naked in public now. The first time was a lot less private than I was comfortable with. Lou called this guy on a classified ad in the local paper for lingerie model, described me, said I would be good for it, and arranged for me to interview. I was really nervous, and never spoke with the photographer myself, so I wasn’t sure what it was all about. I have not been working, so Lou talked me into checking it out, saying it would be an easy way to make some extra money. We had wine and cheese at home that evening; Lou kept refilling my glass, and we actually finished off two bottles before we walked to the photographer’s studio, which wasn’t far. Big drapes hung in the room around lots of lights and photography equipment. The photographer discussed lingerie modeling, and quickly pointed out that it really didn’t pay as much as soft porn movie acting. Lou did all the talking and told him how I was just as good as any of the girls you see in the movies and asked if he wanted to see. Next thing I knew, Lou was taking off my dress, talking about what I like the most, and playing with my body. My eyes were begging him to stop, but I knew it would totally piss him off if I protested in front of the photographer. Instead of stopping, Lou actually had sex with me right in front of the guy. It was unreal, and it felt like I wasn’t really even there, but was more just observing it in horror from a distance. Afterward, the photographer left the room, and while I dressed, Lou suspiciously searched for hidden cameras. Luckily, he didn’t find any, because he would have freaked out if we had been secretly filmed. Walking home, my legs didn’t even feel like they were my own. I could see them moving in front of me and hear the clacking of my heels on the pavement, but I really couldn’t feel them, or much else of my body for that matter. It was weird. I definitely had too much wine and woke up with a headache. I was afraid Lou would be mad about it all in hindsight, but he actually likes to talk about it, and goes over what happened when we’re in bed together. It gets him worked up without a movie. I guess it is like a movie he can replay in his head. Anyway, we are not going back to that place. I told Lou I definitely did not want to the movie thing and explained that I thought we were only going there to talk about lingerie modeling, which I wasn’t sold on doing either. And now, I definitely want no part of any of it. He agrees, so we are fine.

The nude beach, on the other hand, is no big deal, and I don’t care if we go back there or not. Most of the bodies are older and heavier than mine, so I feel pretty good about how I look.