It’s good when we agree on things. Lou said our relationship was like Bill and Hillary Clinton’s. We have a partnership, like a business. We do not have a marriage. It hurt to hear him say it, but I completely agree. There was no fight. We sat and talked; I said I wanted to change, and he said we had to change. I hope that with that out on the table we can actually do something about it.
We also talked about my concern that he is depressed. With the exception of going to the gym, he sits in this apartment all day and all night long at the computer. He’s not doing work, looking for a job, or trying to generate new clients. He’s chatting with women on the internet. His desk is a table in the living room, so it isn’t easy for him to hide. Sometimes he doesn’t even bother to try. Of course, it pisses me off, but in a strange way, there is some respect shown by closing a flirtatious chat window when your wife walks by. One day, I was on the couch watching tv and he was on the computer. I could see that whoever was chatting with him was explaining how to check to see if his e-mails were being saved on the computer where they could be read by someone else, even though he thought he had deleted them. She told him how to change the settings. Crap. I was cut off from my inside scoop on what he is really up to online. Just as well. When I know, it doesn’t do me any good except for the satisfaction of being right. I never did anything about it except get myself mad and worked up inside.
He actually acknowledged that he may be depressed. We were two for two on the agreeing thing. He said he has no motivation and no drive to do what’s needed to bring in new clients and asked for my help. Good thing I’m a worthy business partner, if not a decent wife. We determined that what he wants and needs is for me to act as his manager in a sense. He will set goals with me each week, and each night we will review how he is performing relative to milestones toward reaching the goals. First, we will generate a database of potential new client companies. Then he will call a certain number each day and report back on how many calls he makes, and the results of the calls. Then he will send an information package about his services to those with potential and create a follow up call sheet for a couple weeks after that package had been sent. He was renewed, and excited. I now have another job, to manage him, but it’s one I am happy to do.
We also agreed to work on our marriage, to rebuild that which has been lost, or perhaps even that which has never existed. We will both try to make it better than ever. This is a good thing.