I got a clean bill of health from the doctor and was back at work in six weeks. It was hard to leave Anjelica, but Astrid is great, and we got to know each other while I was on medical leave. Astrid primarily did Lou’s office tasks, but I tried to give her a lot of time with the baby even while I was there, so they could get close, and I could get comfortable about going back to work. I started giving Anjelica formula part of the time, while still breastfeeding. Anjelica loves to eat and doesn’t seem to care if it’s from a boob or a bottle. I glad Lou can now feed her, because he believes there isn’t much for dads to do with a little one.

The doctor said it was ok to have sex again. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was not happy when Lou pulled out the video camera the first time we had sex. When he played back the home movie on the big screen tv later, I was surprised to see at how much thinner I am already. Between the porn playing on the tv and the camera recording us, it’s a major production; sex never has felt less like making love than it does now.  We occasionally still do home date nights, when I dress up, make a nice dinner, we have a bottle of wine, and sit and talk. Yet at the end of the evening, the X-rated videos get popped in the VCR to accompany sex. He also talks about fantasy sex in scenarios like you’d see in a movie, with several guys having their way with me and stuff. He wants me to play along, but I don’t want to make it sound like I would like it, because I’m afraid he’d push to make it a reality. So, I stay quiet. Sometimes he’ll press me to talk, and when I say how I really feel, he gets upset with me for not going along with the fantasy. I know how he is, and don’t want to encourage him, but I don’t want to start a debate or kick off a bad mood, so my best bet is to say nothing at all.